Finding 3
Relationships Fuel Learning and Ethical Development
Connection: Central to the attitudes we encountered in this study is the conviction that through deep trust, deep learning takes place. Our participating schools recognize that one key to building such trust is creating successful and authentic relationships—not just between adults and students, but between adults and other adults. The broad purpose of building such relationships, then, is to build the right learning environment—a process that involves all community members.
Description: From the adolescent point of view, strong relationships relate directly to feeling better about school and learning. “So many adults really care and ask you all the time how you’re doing,” one student at a rural boarding school laughs. “At first it’s unnerving!” A student at an urban day school concurs, “It’s not weird to be friends with your teachers.” Another student explains that “At [my previous] public school it’s kind of an ‘us/them’ situation—here it’s just ‘us’.”
When pressed to think about the connection between relationships and learning, many students allude to psychological safety in their remarks. Says one, “The teachers I appreciate the most—I tell them things I would never tell my parents.” And another adds simply, “They never give up on you.” Some students make the connection between this pervasive sense of caring and the resulting opportunity for personal growth. “[Teachers] let you be yourself—become yourself,” says one student at an urban day school.
This deliberate and avid focus on bringing out the individuality of each student results in part from faculty’s increasing expertise in adolescent development. As one program director at a suburban day school notes, “Everything starts from understanding the developmental needs of kids.” In the case of his school, a concerted emphasis on reflection is specifically aimed at teenaged boys, and is based on current brain research. “Boys are so caught up,” he explains. “It’s a very self-absorbed time without longrange planning ability. So often, at age 13 to 15, we [adults] assume they can do what they really can’t. On average, it’s only by age 15 to 16 that boys can effectively think in the abstract.”
Many educators we met describe a focus on belonging and feeling a part of the school community as a good way of building the comfort and confidence that lead to strong relationships. The schools’ emphasis on varying needs, varying interests, and deliberate structures to connect students to other students and students to adults sends a deep message of respect and appreciation to individuals. Says one teacher, “I remember a kid saying to me when he graduated, ‘At this school, there’s a place for everyone. If you want to be a cool jock guy. If you want to be an art geek, you’re still cool.’ There’s no one who’s ‘cooler’ than anyone else. The kids respect each others’ accomplishments.”
The outcome to this focus is a community more dedicated to ethics—to doing the right thing. One student sounds almost sheepish in explaining why she’s so earnest about upholding the values of her school. “Teachers kinda’ care about you,” she says, “and you don’t want to disappoint them.” A faculty member seconds and extends the idea: “If [students] feel a part of the community, they’re less likely to cheat.”
The effects of these relationships can be a powerful force for ethical development. As one student remarks, “Teachers here aren’t afraid to talk. They can be friends; they aren’t disciplinarians. They’ve really helped me develop a conscience. I can hear a voice in my head [saying], ‘He wouldn’t do this.’”
Behind the scenes, however, it’s clear that learning to build these relationships takes courage, thought, and discipline. Attempts at relationships can backfire—and in the case of students, the results can be counterproductive and/or damaging.
“Kids can be confused between the friends vs. the professional thing, but you as teacher, must not be confused,” one experienced faculty member explains. “As the adult, you have to put certain pieces of yourself away, because even as you’re engaging a student, you’re first and foremost serving him. You can’t be untrue to yourself, but you don’t have to and you shouldn’t give yourself over to them entirely. It’s difficult to describe. Teachers can really get caught when their validity rests on the opinion of the kids. It’s strange, but teachers shouldn’t look for personal fulfillment in these relationships.
Sometimes you see that kind of thing and have to ask, ‘Whose needs are really being met?’”
Replication: Our participating schools are using several specific structures to build relationships between students and adults. Well-supervised and carefully constructed mentoring systems seem to go a long way in this regard. Older students are paired with incoming students to provide friendship and guidance, and specifically to acculturate the younger students. Mentors help new students learn to:
- Use daily planners and other organizational tools to make sense of new routines and expectations—a friendly process to increase comfort levels by reducing stress.
- Break down broad goals and tasks into doable steps. Mentors address a variety of other executive planning or “prefrontal”
tasks that, as older students, they may well have already mastered while younger students are still in an emergent learning stage. - Celebrate accomplishments, however small. Older students are trained to notice and underscore even seemingly incidental
progress toward goals. - Reflect. Older students are trained to provide perspective for new or younger students, as in “I remember this was hard at first, but now it’s easy.”
As the “new kids on the block,” students we talked to genuinely value their relationships with mentors. “You get very tight with that group,” one student explains. Another says, “You can always find someone to talk to in this school.”
Student-to-student mentoring programs are particularly effective in the realm of ethics and values, because both students are learning through the process. In the best, most carefully crafted programs, much thought has been put into how the program serves both the student “on the receiving end” and the mentors themselves. As one faculty member explains, “The great thing about [our] program is that you nominate yourself to engage in a two-year program of mentorship, leadership, and citizenship. [But] it’s not until you graduate that you find out whether you’ve fulfilled the candidacy requirements or not. The core of [the program] is the process of reflection on the activities. It’s not just the effectiveness, but the connection between your own integrity and the work you do.”
Some schools we visited engage in adult-student mentoring programs. In some instances, these programs involve a one-on-one approach, while in others, one mentor serves a group of students. Some schools use a combination of both one-to-one and group interactions. In all cases, the focus of the program is on building relationships and comfort levels to allow each student to trust the environment enough to be himself or herself. “We have one-on-one meetings with kids because what they want can be very different from what their parents want,” one faculty member explains. Another says just, “At the first of the year, I try to meet with each of my students to find out what’s scary.”
In many cases, adults serve as mentors for the same students throughout the years the students are enrolled. “Fit” is carefully examined in these cases, and if at any time it doesn’t serve the needs of the student, changes are made. Again, the key reason for this long-term commitment returns to building trust through orchestrated opportunities for identity-building and common purpose. It can be a tall order for some adults, but a great opportunity for personal and professional growth. One faculty member describes
her experience sticking with a group over four years.
“I decided that if we’re going to be together for four years, we’re going to have to be open and honest” she says, “and that it’s my responsibility to be provocative—to take the lead in being honest.”
Copyright 2007 The Institute for Global Ethics
Themocracy
[...] of Integirty Findings: Fueling relationships and Authentic student [...]
[...] of Integirty Findings: Fueling relationships and Authentic student [...]